More than training

Coming back to my self-defence class after a holiday, I meet a woman who has recently joined and see a familiar face returning after recovering from an injury. We greet one another warmly and I notice those who are absent too.

We exchange some cheerful banter before forming a line and bowing as training begins. The formality is followed by a boisterous warm-up, on this occasion combining catch and tag with cardio drills. The games vary in silliness and competitiveness but they quickly generate energy.

Every now and then, I realise that I have not moved in such an uninhibited way for years. The body memory brings joy and surprise. In Transactional Analysis, or TA, this spontaneous and playful part of us is sometimes called the Natural Child. It can become harder to access in adult life, particularly when we are preoccupied with responsibility and performance.

As the session progresses, I partner with the new member. I think back to my own first sessions and notice how quickly newcomers can become part of the group. It reminds me of the directness with which children can sometimes connect through play.

The instructors play an important part in creating this atmosphere. They are professional

and disciplined but also warm and very much themselves. The playfulness is possible because the rules are clear, safety matters and personal limits are respected.

At the same time, the training is demanding. Techniques are demonstrated clearly and corrected thoughtfully, helping us build confidence without losing sight of their seriousness. We are expected to listen carefully, concentrate and be willing to apply ourselves even when something feels difficult or unfamiliar.

It is this combination of discipline and playfulness that makes the experience so powerful. The structure gives us something secure to work within, while the encouragement and shared effort allow us to stretch ourselves without feeling that we have to prove anything.

I notice a sense of belonging that seems to come from something very simple. Each of us has turned up, joined in and shared the same space and activity. There is no need to reveal ourselves deeply or explain who we are. We learn the rules, practise alongside one another and notice each other’s progress.

We continue training and finish with a high-energy drill designed to create pressure and get us out of breath. During one defensive move, I accidentally bruise my wrist although I barely notice it at the time. What stays with me more strongly is the feedback from one of the instructors, who comments on my progress. I know the instructors are watching closely for safety and technique, but being noticed in this way brings a welcome sense of recognition and achievement.

Ninety minutes have passed. After the final bow, the line dissolves into informal goodbyes.

What happens in a session like this can be understood as bringing different qualities within us to the fore: the spontaneous part that wants to play, the caring part that protects and encourages and the grounded part that stays attentive to what is happening in the here and now. The determination to keep going, learn and take on challenges reflects our natural pull towards growth and becoming more fully ourselves. In TA terms, this might be understood as an expression of physis, an idea I hope to explore further in future writing.

Perhaps the real value of experiences like this lies in noticing what comes up for us and remembering that these qualities remain available to us beyond the training room.